Advertisement: B.S. Investments' Benji Booboo

Howdy, daters on the scene! With Halloween in the mix, we at the F'n Rad Dating Site are busy aiding our potential daters at numerous costume parties. They aim to score! Please bear with us while we scout various dating locations and sift through the millions of dating applications we have received. And now, a word from our sponsor, B.S. Investments...

 

Dog for Sale: B.S. Investments’ Benji Booboo

If you are a potential dater who is feeling lonely, and you can’t yet afford one of B.S. Investments’ horses for sale, do not dismay. Perhaps you are simply not yet prepared for equine or human pairing...

What you need is good old-fashioned time in the saddle with man’s best friend!

We at B.S. Investments are ecstatic to announce this recent news: yes, we have expanded into dog breeding! Benji Booboo is merely one of our available choice newbies, primed and ready for adoption, pending a potential dater’s full background check, driver’s license photo, copy of their latest utility check, social security number, the names of all their relatives and friends, a blood test, and access to their bank accounts. But indeed, if you pass our initial investigation, and you do qualify to adopt Benji Booboo or his sweet, devoted brother and sister puppies, and you are feeling quite unaccustomed to having successful relationships with people, Benji Booboo will soon help you learn the compassion, love, and care you will need in every single dating environs.

A full-bred, German Shepherd/Doberman/Pit bull/Wolf/Chihuahua/Rabid bat cross, Benji Booboo can attack and win at any dog show talent course; he is a proven American Kennel Club/Eukanuba National Champion, and he is as calm, collected, and affectionate as they come. Sired by the great LassieDidTimmy, Benji Booboo is bred to walk side by side with your family and rest assured, he is fully trained to protect all newborn babies from any possible threat. He enjoys snacking on live harp seals, kittens, and since he is quite elite, far removed from the plebeian American-bred Shepherds, Benji delights in the occasional side of pork chops and choice veal. An adept swimmer and crime fighter, Benji Booboo will never let you down. He also prefers to nap on the right side of the king size bed, while resting his ear on a satin pillow. In case he’s in a crabby mood, no worries, all he needs is a little snack...

This just in:  with the adoption of Benji Booboo, thanks to our partner, Bryson Farms, you will also receive a dozen, heavily fattened, live, one-eyed, one-legged chickens!

For more information on Benji Booboo and our latest litter, please contact our 50-yr veteran horse trainer, Priscilla Isabel Soundbury.

Sincerely, all dogs go to heaven,
B.S. Investments

-- C.A. MacConnell

BUSHBabyHOttz4URRod

Hello daters on the scene! We at the F'n Rad Dating Site have come across a new potential dater to share with you and wow, she's a strong woman! Read and learn. Here's her profile...

Letter from potential dater, BUSHBabyHOttz4URRod, to the F’n Rad Dating Site…

Dear F’n Rad Dating Site:

I just want to be extremely clear. As a woman, I have every right to speak freely. I have every right to be heard. Ladies, I stand here today, for all of you, and for all those who have paved the way before us. I have spent the last 35 years wearing combat gear, speaking at feminist gatherings, and making sure my head is a perfect buzz cut at all times, so if any man even wants to try and hold the door for me, ask me out, or pay for our dates, for the rest of his life, his cock will never, ever see my hole. I mean, if it’s a really expensive restaurant, I guess he can pay, and that’s OK. But still, no sex for at least two weeks.

Now, let me tell you my story…

Ever since Stevie Smithwad stuck his hand down my pants when I was thirteen, stroking my private parts wildly, although I enjoyed it, and I came with a force, so much so that squirted a little, I’m here to say that there is NO EXCUSE for any of the Stevies of this world. Women of the world, repeat after me: I have a right to stick my own hand down my pants, and if I don’t want it to be Stevie, but I want it to be Bobby instead, because he knows the three-finger maneuver, I have a choice, and no one can make that decision for me except ME.

Also, I have a right to vote.

Thank you, past sisters, for starving yourselves so that I can vote today. I mean, if it were me, I probably would have sneaked in some Ritz or whatnot, but you rocked, and you were the real heroes, and I will never forget your suffering while I’m ordering pizza.

I have a doctorate in Women’s History, and I’m not dicking around here. This, right here, is my vagina, and I’m in charge of it. MY PUSSY, MY CHOICE.

Gender: FEMALE

Age: 55

Body type: naturally stick thin, huge tits, toned ass like a rock. FYI, I have not shaved my pits, legs, or vagina in 30 years, so if you love bush, you’ll love me, no question. I’m literally growing a forest down there, and if you don’t like it, you can go fuck yourself, which is something I can do expertly, because I have a suitcase full of self-love, and it’s rechargeable, so I don’t need you, really, but it’d be helpful because sometimes, my hand goes numb.

Interested in: MEN and one woman (you know who you were, goddamnit Patty we were good, but you sold out to that damn hot, hung biker, and I will never forgive you for succumbing to the other side)

Hair: I ALREADY told you. Right here, right now, STOP focusing so much on my exterior. My incredible intellect and unmatchable beauty are entirely internal, so if you don’t like my watermelon chest, then go find some Barbie-ass bitch, and I’m not talking about the new, feminist Barbie. I’m talking about those whiny, skinny, old Barbies with no dreams or visions other than the plastic Corvette. I mean, the car IS and WAS cool, but still.

Interests: camouflaged clothing, stuffed animals, rugby, gardening my bush hair, skin exfoliants, vagina steamers, cranberry juice, holding men’s hands before I leave them to speak at the women’s rallies across the nation, driving my ’69 Ford pickup, and lubricants solely geared toward female pleasure. We have to free half of the human race – the women – so that the other half can writhe in horny pain. If men are intimidated by me, then let them stand to the side and view me in tattered, sexy, revealing clothing. Of course, if I express my opinion on any of our dates, since I’m female, no doubt, you will automatically cut me down like I’m a doormat. During any such events, I’m prepared to withhold intercourse.

I will not be treated as a secondary issue, as long as I’m still standing in my pink miniskirt on this earth. I am fearless, EVEN THOUGH I am fully aware that women are the first to be affected by war.

Children: debatable, but I don’t believe I can breastfeed due to the DDD implants I had installed before my awakening.

BUSHBabyHOttz4URRod

-- C.A. MacConnell