Advertisement: B.S. Investments' One-Eyed Stan O' War

Today, we at the F'n Rad Dating Site are busy studying the amazing artistic work of our latest dater, ArtistePeecasoSoulMate680 and so, while we're busy learning about the greatness of fine painting, something new to all of us here at the F'n Rad Dating Site, we must pause to bring you a word from our sponsor. And now, a word from our sponsor, B.S. Investments...

Read and learn...

 

Horse for Sale:  B.S. Investments' One-Eyed Stan O' War

Bred, raised, and trained on our home farm by our veteran, 55-year horse trainer, Priscilla Soundbury, B.S. Investments' One-eyed Stan O' War has been a consistent showstopper from the time she was a mere filly. Just fresh out of her mother's anus, Stan (as we call her at the barn) began her trophy-winning career. While still wearing the placenta, Stan carried Soundbury's whiny daughter Caroline through the walk/trot at Kentucky Indoors, bringing home the Grand Champion in the division. Even at a young age, with her perfect conformation and unique missing eyeball, Stan was no stranger to the colts, and in any season, she's ready and willing to breed. Soon tearing her way through the national hunter circuit, Stan astounded all onlookers by her amazing speed and dexterity, and we were forced to change direction with this gem; we knew she was headed for some time on the track. Stan may not have won the Triple Crown, but in 2020, Stan became a legend in the horse world, setting a track record when she burned past the rest of the herd to win the Preakness by five lengths. Although the equine community may have heard in the fake news that Swiss Skydiver won that particular race, we at the farm have video footage proving that our homebred Stan was the true, genuine champion. Measuring 17.3 hands at her withers, Stan may seem somewhat intimidating to your average rider, but we assure you, this gentle giant can carry any amateur into the ribbons. And Stan's one good eye has adapted to her disability over the years; she can turn and turn and turn on a dime, and the circular ride is as smooth as they come. In the saddle, Stan will make you feel like you're driving a custom made, sideways Cadillac.

For more information on B.S. Investments' One-eyed Stan O' War or theft-recovered automobiles, please contact our 57-year, veteran horse trainer, Priscilla Soundbury, at 543-STAN.

B.S. Investments

-- C.A. MacConnell

ArtistePeecasoSoulMate680

Daters! Potential daters! We at the F'n Rad Dating Site are pleased to announce that we have a new potential dater on the scene, and he/she/they is quite the artiste! Read and learn...

Letter from potential dater, ArtistePeecasoSoulMate680, to the F’n Rad Dating Site…

 Dear F’n Rad Dating Site:

Hello. Alas, since I have a doctorate in Art History, as well as a master’s in the Human Form, I have spent numerous years studying the various techniques of masterpiece painting and drawing and so, I haven’t had much of an opportunity to venture into the dating world. Most of my solo, introverted, introspective life is continuously consumed by colors, shapes, models that I cannot and will not ever touch due to contract issues, and bowls of curious, personality-driven fruit. Eastern Washington Gala apples are my preferred choice, although I also have an affinity for Wal-Mart bananas, Bosc pears, and the occasional, run of the mill, plebeian cantaloupe. Even after decades of careful study, I do not and will never understand the curious external appearance of avocados, and for the past year, I have been carefully poring over the contours, attempting to capture their mysterious nature. Extremely dedicated to this latest ripe endeavor, I’ve been focused on the outer layer, the skin’s texture, at every waking hour, and until I harness the unique nature, feel, and shade of the exceptional, external cover, allowing the fruit’s energy to leak into my body, channeling into my arm, fingers, and eventually, my brush strokes, I cannot and will not be diverted from this creative course. Please be patient with my artistic process. So as not to distract myself from this latest imaginative venture, I will accept no disruptions. As part of this advanced undertaking, I have resorted to the use of a close-by chamber pot in order to more easily urinate.

Gender: We are all artists, and we all deserve a place in the creative world. With the proper lighting, any person, place, or object can be attractive, although if my subject is horrid, I’ve been known to resort to a bottle of whiskey and a dark closet.

Interested in: brushes, oils, acrylics, paint by number, pencils, charcoal, crayons, dirty clothes and filthy fingers, those showing a determined artists’ days’ work, nude men on ceilings, women who half-smile sideways, and Native American landscapes, although I find the Pinto horses of the plains to be quite perplexing. Perhaps we will convene at a local or regional art show opening. I would write more, but due to my artistic devotion, I must change my apron, as I have indeed soiled myself with accidental defecation.

Until we meet, here is a past sketch of what I believe to be my future soulmate:



Sincerely, 

ArtistePeecasoSoulMate680

-- C.A. MacConnell