MrRogersMOFO

Hello daters on the scene! If you have been religiously following this site (we know that millions have become obsessed with our genius dating suggestions), you will recall that a while back, we at the F'n Rad Dating Site received MrRogersMOFO's profile, and we thought it was purely spam; however, he later contacted our CEO, and she did some digging, and it seems that MrRogersMOFO is indeed a real, live, ready and willing potential dater, and so we were proven wrong, which has never, ever happened before. Deeply, we apologize to MrRogersMOFO for our inaccurate assumption. And so, here he is...

Letter from MrRogersMOFO to the F'n Rad Dating Site...

Dear F’n Rad Dating Site:

just a minute
children
let me take off my loafers
and put on something more comfortable

there now
i’m in my slippers yay
say “yay” with me
actually tan dearfoams
comfy
squishy
slightly moist
and yet stylish

hello younger ladies
please join me in my neighborhood
i am sixty and a half
i’m retired so
let’s buy a camper
travel the country
search for imaginary lands
never been married
not sure why
it doesn’t make any sense because i work hard
pay the bills
buy the girls occasional flowers or a box of assorted chocolates
and like everyone else
i enjoy puppets

except Lady Elaine Fairchild
because let’s face it that doll is terrifying

i am quite artistic
quite the Picasso indeed
i make marionettes
some of them look like real people
at night they come alive

i hope you will support me
on my art
would you mind stopping at Michael’s
to pick up
a package of stickers
and googly eyes

thank you

i don’t know why people like Elmo
give him a different voice
and everyone would run screaming
stay away from danger children

if you don’t mind, I’ll call you “Mrs. McFeely” in bed

i hope and hope
that one day
you will tear off my cardigan
my button down
my khakis
and suck my little
pee pee

Sincerely,
MrRogersMOFO

-- C.A. MacConnell