Letter from potential dater, ArtistePeecasoSoulMate680, to the F’n Rad Dating Site…
Dear F’n Rad Dating Site:
Hello. Alas, since I have a doctorate in Art History, as well as a master’s in the Human Form, I have spent numerous years studying the various techniques of masterpiece painting and drawing and so, I haven’t had much of an opportunity to venture into the dating world. Most of my solo, introverted, introspective life is continuously consumed by colors, shapes, models that I cannot and will not ever touch due to contract issues, and bowls of curious, personality-driven fruit. Eastern Washington Gala apples are my preferred choice, although I also have an affinity for Wal-Mart bananas, Bosc pears, and the occasional, run of the mill, plebeian cantaloupe. Even after decades of careful study, I do not and will never understand the curious external appearance of avocados, and for the past year, I have been carefully poring over the contours, attempting to capture their mysterious nature. Extremely dedicated to this latest ripe endeavor, I’ve been focused on the outer layer, the skin’s texture, at every waking hour, and until I harness the unique nature, feel, and shade of the exceptional, external cover, allowing the fruit’s energy to leak into my body, channeling into my arm, fingers, and eventually, my brush strokes, I cannot and will not be diverted from this creative course. Please be patient with my artistic process. So as not to distract myself from this latest imaginative venture, I will accept no disruptions. As part of this advanced undertaking, I have resorted to the use of a close-by chamber pot in order to more easily urinate.
Gender: We are all artists, and we all deserve a place in the creative world. With the proper lighting, any person, place, or object can be attractive, although if my subject is horrid, I’ve been known to resort to a bottle of whiskey and a dark closet.
Interested in: brushes, oils, acrylics, paint by number, pencils, charcoal, crayons, dirty clothes and filthy fingers, those showing a determined artists’ days’ work, nude men on ceilings, women who half-smile sideways, and Native American landscapes, although I find the Pinto horses of the plains to be quite perplexing. Perhaps we will convene at a local or regional art show opening. I would write more, but due to my artistic devotion, I must change my apron, as I have indeed soiled myself with accidental defecation.
Until we meet, here is a past sketch of what I believe to be my future soulmate:
Sincerely,
ArtistePeecasoSoulMate680
-- C.A. MacConnell
