Success Story: MsBaristaGrindXO298

Hi daters! After posting yesterday’s letter, we here at the F’n Rad Dating Site have discovered a genuine partnership! We are pleased to announce that MsBaristaGrindXO298 is ALSO into MrBarista777! Yes, it is indeed reciprocal! The ultimate display of personal growth and stellar communication between these two is magnificent, and their triumphant connection has stumped therapists everywhere. We fully believe that these potential daters are going to make it together for the long haul. Here is a letter from her in response to his response. Read and learn...

Letter from MsBaristaGrindXO298 to the F’n Rad Dating Site…

Dear F’n Rad Dating Site:

OHHHHHHHH. MrBarista777, me in shitter at work, read yer resposne on site hereyestereday, im no starbuck star like you, just a lowly bakery barstia, but no tim to write bk, gotta make cookie & sweep up kids cake icing & choco syrup all over floor fuckin toddler Peecassos. Just hit whip cream nitrous, Hahahahhhahahaha. Ahhahhahahahahahh. Livingon caramelnut brownies, cakepops, & drk choco espresso bean. Off at midnght. Marry u round 2am? Bak here 3am. Sry. Cya soon. XO, 777. Willwritesomeday but Hope you get my feels. Til then, Here’s my day….wait, nuther empty whip…lemme hit that nozzle again…. hahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah…ok, bak. Here’s an exacto transcript, my day…

Customer (approaching register with a walker, looking wet): Hello young lady! I'll have a coffee for here.
Barista: On the house. I'm so sorry you're a cripple.
Customer: What did you say? Wow, it's really raining out there!
Barista: Thank god, I love the rain.
Customer: Oh, that's nice, you do?
Barista: (smiling wide) Yeah, drives most people away from here.
Customer (furrowed brow): Well, that’s some greeting.
Barista (wiping her nose): Sorry, how’s this – how can I help you?
Customer: You know, you really shouldn't wipe your nose when you're greeting a customer. Very rude.
Barista: Oh, sorry, I just have this massive booger in there, just trying to dig it out. Hang on, let me see if I can get it and show you. Then you'll understand.
Customer (raising brows): ANYWAY, I think it’s about to storm out there.
Barista: Really? I should bring the tables in from outside. Or would you like to? You look like the kind of woman who could use a workout.
Customer: Funny.
Barista: No, I'm serious. Your arms are flabby as hell.
Customer: The nerve! But it's weird...it’s muggy inside here.
Barista: Yep, the windows are all steamy.
Customer: Is your A.C. broken?
Barista: Good guess. No, we're preparing the room for later when we turn this into a hot yoga studio.
Customer: Whoa, how is it you still work here?! Before I order, can I have change for a dollar?
Barista: Sure, just using me for change, eh?
Customer: Um, I’m gonna eat here.
Barista: Yeah, that's what they all say...
Customer: No really, I’m ready to order as soon as I get some change.
Barista: Ha! You're really good.
Customer: I'm serious! Can I have some change?
Barista: Not sure...now I feel kind of used, and I'm really not that kind of person anymore.
Customer: I will spend money here! Give me some change!
Barista (chomping gum): Let me go take my smoke break back out by the dumpster and think about this issue we're having, and we can talk it out in an hour or so, when we've had time to think it over and decide on a better course for our relationship.
Customer: Geez, never mind, I’ll take my chances on the ticket. You know, you really shouldn't chew gum while you're working. It's rude.
Barista: I know, so sorry. Here, (taking the gum out of her mouth and sticking it on the counter) will you hold on to this for me for later?
Customer (shrinking back): I'll have the usual.
Barista: I'm sorry, was that the latte, or the Italian soda?
Customer: It's the blueberry tea.
Barista: Oh, that's right, I had you confused with another fat cripple. We’re out of that tea.
Customer (making an "O" with her mouth) Ohhhhh, are those beautiful teapots for sale?
Barista (making an "O" with her mouth): Ohhhhh, NO.
Customer (looking right): Is that the health department here?
Barista: Probably.
Customer (shrugs): Oh, well, I'll have the soup.
Barista: You sure? Not sure what's in it. You ever watch that movie, Fried Green Tomatoes?
Customer: Forget the soup. I’ll have a smoothie.
Barista: Man, seriously?
Customer: What?
Barista: Oh, nothing, it's just that I just cleaned the blender. You know, disinfected it and everything for closing.
Customer: Won't you have to use it again? It's only 10 a.m.
Barista: Yeah, I usually start closing around 10 a.m. I like to be prepared. I'm a real go-getter.
Customer: Oh I see, well, can I get that smoothie anyway?
Barista: Hm, let’s see, sure, but if you want whipped cream, I'm sorry.
Customer: But doesn't that come with it?
Barista: Yeah, normally, but I already cleaned the whipped cream nozzle, and I don't want to get it dirty again. See, I'm nervous that I won't get everything done before 6.
Customer: Can I have a blackberry one?
Barista: Sure, as soon as I go down to the farmer's market and gather some blackberries for you, and then I have to stop behind our dumpster and have my smoke break. Right after that, it'll be right up.
Customer (rolling eyes): All right, well, strawberry?
Barista: Hm, I already put the strawberry mix away in the fridge, and it's buried behind all the iced teas...it's all packed in there perfectly. You should see it. Really, it's amazing I fit it all for closing every day. So would you mind banana? I think I can get to that.
Customer: Really, I want strawberry.
Barista: Hows about four berry, and we'll call it a day.
Customer: I guess that'll work.
Barista (starting the blender and shouting): Hey, you want a Diet Coke with this? I'm trying to get rid of those to fit the selzer in the fridge for closing.
Customer: It's 10 a.m.!
Barista: No doubt, but it'll get wild in here later. Here's your four berry! Enjoy!
Customer (taking smoothie): Um, yeah, thanks. Hey, do you have anything fat-free, or do you have the calories listed somewhere?
Barista: We have pastries. They are very, very fattening.
Customer: Oh, well, I'm just trying to watch my calorie intake.
Barista: I've got a Powerbar in my locker if you want it!
Customer: That's okay, I'm allergic to eggs and wheat. What would you suggest?
Barista (smiling wide): I've got another stick of gum in my pocket. Kinda old, but it's sugar-free!
Customer: Never mind. Thank you for the smoothie.
Barista: You’re welcome, but lady, next time, can you come in a little earlier, so that I’m not in the middle of getting ready for closing?

MsBaristaGrindXO298

-- C.A. MacConnell