MrBarista777

Letter from potential dater, MrBarista777, to the F’n Rad Dating Site

Dear F’n Rad Dating Site:

Heya…thanks for comin…doctorate in Chem…barista rt now…jacked up on 5 espresso shots, so hang on...gotta run…make medium frap large cup w/ 1 splenda, 2 raw sugar, whip, ½ shaved ice, ½ solid ice for Fred or Ted or crap, Ed the bald one…OK I'm back…off at 2pm, if interested…she said skim? She needs skim…OK refill half and half…can date between 3-5pm…have to get to bed at 6pm, back in at 3am…fuck, we're out of Irish Cream syrup who likes that shit...don't have time for date Bio...just watch me…move like a gazelle on crack…chk out these examples of my excellent company customer service…reel you in maybe…soy gettin low…stock room, OK bye…you want a straw?

Customer: Hm, what's in the white chocolate drink?
Barista: Hm, mainly white chocolate.

Customer: Can we sit anywhere?
Barista: Yes, where there aren't people sitting. Or if you're not too fat, lap sitting is cool.

Customer: How much are these cookies?
Barista: $1.95 like the very large sign says.

Customer: What kind of tea do you have?
Barista: It's listed on that tea list I just handed you.

Customer: Can I have a spoon?
Barista: Hang on, I think I found one. Just let me spit on it to get this crusted jelly off.

Customer: What's that Apple Cinnamon drink on the board?
Barista: I have no idea. Good question. What the hell is that?

Customer: Can I have some ice water with ice?
Barista: Sure, let me check and see if that's still in stock.

Customer: Would you choose the chicken wrap or the egg ‘n cheese?
Barista: Egg
Customer: I'll have the chicken.
Barista: Seriously, that one's really bad.
Customer: Why is it on the menu then?
Barista: To sell the egg one, you know, diversion tactics.

Customer: What kind of drink would you suggest?
Barista: Black. Drip. Coffee.

Customer: I parked at the meter and didn't pay. You think I'll be okay?
Barista: No.
Customer: Can I have some change?
Barista: Sorry, I'm not allowed to open the register.

Customer: Are you open?
Barista: We close in five minutes.
Customer: Great, can I have 3 large skim lattes, 5 mochas w/ no whip, and 10 cookies?
Barista: For here or to go?
Customer: For here, I love the atmosphere.
Barista: Sure, I'm heading out, so come on back here behind the counter, and you can whip it right up.

Customer: I think you gave me the mild coffee instead of the dark roast!
Barista: Really? You like it?
Customer: I wanted the dark.
Barista: Sorry, just dumped the dark.
Customer: I'll wait.
Barista: No problem, it'll be a few minutes. I have to go on my smoke break back out by the dumpster.

Customer: What's in the hot chocolate?
Barista: Chocolate and milk.
Customer: Is it gluten free?
Barista: Not sure, there may be a graham cracker crust stuck to the bottom of the mug. Better get the coffee just to be safe.

Customer: What's your favorite sweet thing here?
Barista: I love caramel, but you look more like a chocolate type.
Customer: I'll have a piece of that carrot cake.
Barista: I said, you're the chocolate type.

MrBarista777

-- C.A. MacConnell