ALoanForever10

Letter from potential dater, ALoanForever10, to the F'n Rad Dating Site

Dear F'n Rad Dating Site:

Hello. I am sad right now. I am sorry I’m sad. I am ALoanForever10, and I decided that I would send you a nice note. I am sitting here in my bedroom watching old movies, and I am sad, but relaxed. The movies are dramatic, and the music sounds like it is from the seventies with a nice beat. People are moving around in funny ways, and I am enjoying it. I am eating a frozen dinner. It is cold. Last night, I was up late working, and I am tired. I work really hard, and my job is hard sometimes, and sometimes I like to go to the park all night when I cannot sleep, so I have not had much rest.

I have been depressed. Sorry, I should not have told you all of that. I am probably revealing too much information. I do not know why I am sad. Probably because of my recent divorce. I don’t really miss her, but she left me because of my problems.

And now I am crying, writing to you. Crying really hard and watching television, and I am so tired. You are my only reason for staying awake. You. I am staring at the television hard and thinking of you. I really like candy. Sometimes, when I am watching television in my room after a hard day of work, I will sit in my bed and eat candy. I like to eat that, because it is very sweet, like you pretty people.

I am telling you my feelings so that later it will not become a bigger issue that has grown into something very unmanageable in our relationship. I always want you to know exactly what I’m feeling, every second of the day. I have unlimited text messaging. Sometimes, it is hard to be so open, but I have learned that is the best way. I am so open. Even my pants are loose, and I am comfortable.

Well, I am sure you won’t be interested. I am sure that you won’t even read this, or you will delete it immediately, but just in case, I have enclosed my Bio for you to look at. It was hard to write because I am not that good at writing, but I thought you might be interested in reading it, just if you are incredibly bored and have nothing to do but look at my Bio. I know that some parts are hard to read, but just keep an open mind. I have a feeling about you. I was going to include an older picture of me, but it is hard for me to share this with you, but it is good for me to remember the hard times so that I can be happier right now. I am about to visit the park. There are many pretty things there.

Name: ALoanForever10

Age: 55

Occupation: At-home businessman

Kids: Sharon, 20. Jimmy, 19. Ted, 18. Little Lizzie, 6. And the one grandchild, Baby Bob, just appeared last week. I don’t feel old because of it, because actually I am not allowed to visit them. I am secure with who I am unless someone breaks in, and then I am usually uncomfortable.

Body type: thick on top, thin on bottom

Hair: Salt and Pepper

Tattoos/Piercings: Yes, one/no

Interests: I like thunderstorms and long walks in the park. I spend many of my days off at the parks, just to see the beautiful moms and children. I am interested in watching people play. I think that people are funny when they play. They are fun to watch all day and all night, if they are there. Sometimes I am there, and no one is there, and that is hard.

Activities: I will do anything, anything I can do and not have to report to that funny man.

Looking for: I am looking for an extremely attractive, much younger woman with strong career goals.

Contact info: I would love to text you. I am not very good at talking, but I text people all day long, every day, because it is very convenient. I like to send people pictures too, so it would be nice if you could receive pictures on your phone because sometimes pictures can tell a lot of things that words can’t. Well, I have to go because I am really sad and need to go to the bathroom right now and I don’t want you to go with me, because we just met. But later, you can come in with me. That would be very nice, but I am sure you will not like me. I have to go. I am really crying hard.

ALoanForever10

--C.A. MacConnell