DRAGON BALLZ UNIVERSITY: PASSION, INNOVATION, CONVENIENCE, SKIN AND BONES, NO CLUTTER!
Misson Statement: Since time began, we at Dragon Ballz University have been steadfast in our mission. Indeed, we have a dream, a dream to educate not only the traditional resident student…but also…that’s right…women!
DBU leaders focus on enabling women to reach their educational goals without sacrificing making pancakes naked, changing diapers while maintaining perfect skin, creating all meals from scratch, ironing, riding horses, unloading the dishwasher, toning, and other important commitments of this future generation. We have specifically designed our course schedule for busy females with large, perky tits, teeny-tiny waists, swollen, bruised lips, and standout asses, and due to a recent government grant, our present enrollment has increased to more than five million!
Today, DBU offers courses in over 100 malls, beauty shops, and restaurants, as well as a select few groceries, gas stations, parks, alleys, horse farms, social media sites, and quickie marts.
A WORLD OF LEARNING!
-- The DBU programs are specifically formulated to meet the special scheduling needs of chicks, babes, cutiepies, sweethearts, bitches, hos, steady smilers, and sluts
-- Some classes meet in your own kitchen
-- Classes are offered in convenience stores, where you can buy milk, eggs, and cookies for your man
-- Instructors combine academic credentials with vacuuming skills
-- No one qualifies for financial assistance, preventing jealousy issues and bitch fights
-- Class size is limited to those women who are double-jointed or extremely flexible
-- Course materials, delivered directly to you by the DBU lawn boy, emphasize the blending of theory into practice
-- Program length varies from 2 to 9 months, depending on accidental fertilization
DYNAMITE!
-- Each core program is an established series of abdominal exercises with specific goals and outcomes
-- A variety of methods and “tools” are utilized in the classroom.
-- Participation is encouraged
-- Small and large group Pilates with hands-on male instructors
-- Projects relevant to cleaning and serving your man and your children, as well as all other children
-- Quality used, affordable, hard back textbooks
-- Free DBU pens and lined grocery list paper!
NO NONSENSE!
As demands on women have grown, men across the nation seek a better-trained female force. DBU has met that challenge! To learn how DBU can help you make this dream come true, please call. If someone named “Butch” answers, call back later, during the day.
DAY PROGRAM!
The day program is only available to a select few who garner substantial profit from the “night program.”
DREAM ON! YOU ARE…OR YOU WILL SOON BE…BEAUTIFUL!
Master’s Degrees
Chemistry: Looking Thirteen
Biology: Souffle Mastery, Dishwasher Maintenance
Philosophy: Swiffering, Wet and Dry
History: Origin of the Dust Buster
Business: Applied Management of Multiple Home Issues, Playtime
Fitness: Advanced Equestrian, Aerial Yoga, Hard Core Pilates
Bachelor’s Degrees
Science: Ingredients, Recipes, Lighting
Communications: Phone Interaction, Texting, Forwarding Memes
Fitness: Tennis, Curtain Making
Fitness: Sideline Foosball & Sideline Darts (available to those women with a higher GPA)
Associate degrees
Science: Frozen Foods, Canning
Skills: Home Living/TV Information Technology
Fitness: Dog Walking
Arts: Plant Watering, Shoveling the Litter Box: Clumping and Non-clumping
Minors
Non-invasive and Invasive Lip Plumping, Sandpaper Exfoliation, Line Erasing, Eyelash Extensions, Eyebrow Maintenance, and new… just in, we have a special class geared toward those with greater handicaps, taught by a former student turned professor, tentatively entitled this: "Tear Your Fucking Face Off."
Admissions Requirements
-- Body measurements, and you must weigh in upon arrival
-- Rosy cheeks acquired by pinching
-- Constant smiling, showing perfectly whitened teeth
-- Overall GPA of 1.9
-- Two years of full-time childcare experience while maintaining two full time jobs
-- Addition and Subtraction
-- Experience with sweeping (prerequisite for the Swiffer Master’s Program)
-- Instead of using your first name, you must replace it with this moniker: “Baby” Also acceptable: “Twig”
APPLY NOW!
WHY WOMEN ARE CHOOSING DRAGON BALLZ UNIVERSITY:
“The night program allowed me to pursue my master’s degree in Swiffering without leaving my family at a loss. Now our floors shine like the moon! And I've learned so many uses for the dust buster. I feel like a new woman. Convenient meeting times on the local streets, frequent hook-ups, and instructors who were ready to find me clients at any moment -- these were all necessary elements in continuing my education. I am so grateful to DBU!” — Lucy Smith, currently employed on the night shift with a former professor.
“DBU was just what I needed to get back on track. I have always dreamed of making a pretty curtain for my kitchen window. And I never thought I’d look thirteen while playing tennis with the ladies on the block, and now I can! With my B.A. in Tennis, and also my minor in Recipes, I am suddenly part of the cul-de-sac!” — Betty Johnson, two-time women’s club circuit tennis champion.
“My experience with DBU has been amazing! The group environment is something that I hold close to my heart, and the dog walking curriculum and group dog park field trips truly touched my soul! I never knew how to walk my dog before. I used to just let him out and tell him to pee, and then yell at him to come back in. Now, I go for long walks, and I talk to the other dog owners, and they are telling me I look so skinny, and now I love myself. I took some of my classes online, which was so convenient for the rainy days. The entire staff at DBU was so professional, and after I tore my fucking face off, I was always treated like a human.” — Suzanne “Leash” Rogers.
APPLY TODAY! REMEMBER TO SMILE! And when in doubt, always ask yourself this: what’s wrong with my face? Also, how can I look prepubescent forever? Here at DBU, we’re ready and willing to let you know, no holding back. Also ask yourself this: should I work my legs more today?
Ladies, no matter how busy your schedule at DBU might become, always, we repeat, always make sure to focus what needs to be altered. This just in! If you act now, you will automatically be enrolled in our innovative online seminar series called the following: "The Long Road to the Thigh Gap."
Classes forming now! 1-800-Dra-gonB
-- C.A. MacConnell
-- Small and large group Pilates with hands-on male instructors
-- Projects relevant to cleaning and serving your man and your children, as well as all other children
-- Quality used, affordable, hard back textbooks
-- Free DBU pens and lined grocery list paper!
NO NONSENSE!
As demands on women have grown, men across the nation seek a better-trained female force. DBU has met that challenge! To learn how DBU can help you make this dream come true, please call. If someone named “Butch” answers, call back later, during the day.
DAY PROGRAM!
The day program is only available to a select few who garner substantial profit from the “night program.”
DREAM ON! YOU ARE…OR YOU WILL SOON BE…BEAUTIFUL!
Master’s Degrees
Chemistry: Looking Thirteen
Biology: Souffle Mastery, Dishwasher Maintenance
Philosophy: Swiffering, Wet and Dry
History: Origin of the Dust Buster
Business: Applied Management of Multiple Home Issues, Playtime
Fitness: Advanced Equestrian, Aerial Yoga, Hard Core Pilates
Bachelor’s Degrees
Science: Ingredients, Recipes, Lighting
Communications: Phone Interaction, Texting, Forwarding Memes
Fitness: Tennis, Curtain Making
Fitness: Sideline Foosball & Sideline Darts (available to those women with a higher GPA)
Associate degrees
Science: Frozen Foods, Canning
Skills: Home Living/TV Information Technology
Fitness: Dog Walking
Arts: Plant Watering, Shoveling the Litter Box: Clumping and Non-clumping
Minors
Non-invasive and Invasive Lip Plumping, Sandpaper Exfoliation, Line Erasing, Eyelash Extensions, Eyebrow Maintenance, and new… just in, we have a special class geared toward those with greater handicaps, taught by a former student turned professor, tentatively entitled this: "Tear Your Fucking Face Off."
Admissions Requirements
-- Body measurements, and you must weigh in upon arrival
-- Rosy cheeks acquired by pinching
-- Constant smiling, showing perfectly whitened teeth
-- Overall GPA of 1.9
-- Two years of full-time childcare experience while maintaining two full time jobs
-- Addition and Subtraction
-- Experience with sweeping (prerequisite for the Swiffer Master’s Program)
-- Instead of using your first name, you must replace it with this moniker: “Baby” Also acceptable: “Twig”
APPLY NOW!
WHY WOMEN ARE CHOOSING DRAGON BALLZ UNIVERSITY:
“The night program allowed me to pursue my master’s degree in Swiffering without leaving my family at a loss. Now our floors shine like the moon! And I've learned so many uses for the dust buster. I feel like a new woman. Convenient meeting times on the local streets, frequent hook-ups, and instructors who were ready to find me clients at any moment -- these were all necessary elements in continuing my education. I am so grateful to DBU!” — Lucy Smith, currently employed on the night shift with a former professor.
“DBU was just what I needed to get back on track. I have always dreamed of making a pretty curtain for my kitchen window. And I never thought I’d look thirteen while playing tennis with the ladies on the block, and now I can! With my B.A. in Tennis, and also my minor in Recipes, I am suddenly part of the cul-de-sac!” — Betty Johnson, two-time women’s club circuit tennis champion.
“My experience with DBU has been amazing! The group environment is something that I hold close to my heart, and the dog walking curriculum and group dog park field trips truly touched my soul! I never knew how to walk my dog before. I used to just let him out and tell him to pee, and then yell at him to come back in. Now, I go for long walks, and I talk to the other dog owners, and they are telling me I look so skinny, and now I love myself. I took some of my classes online, which was so convenient for the rainy days. The entire staff at DBU was so professional, and after I tore my fucking face off, I was always treated like a human.” — Suzanne “Leash” Rogers.
APPLY TODAY! REMEMBER TO SMILE! And when in doubt, always ask yourself this: what’s wrong with my face? Also, how can I look prepubescent forever? Here at DBU, we’re ready and willing to let you know, no holding back. Also ask yourself this: should I work my legs more today?
Ladies, no matter how busy your schedule at DBU might become, always, we repeat, always make sure to focus what needs to be altered. This just in! If you act now, you will automatically be enrolled in our innovative online seminar series called the following: "The Long Road to the Thigh Gap."
Classes forming now! 1-800-Dra-gonB
-- C.A. MacConnell
